All In

He says it clearly in Mt. 10: 37-38. If you love your family too much to be all in, you are out. When I first heard that I thought it was terribly unfair. He says if you seek your life you will lose it, but if you lose it for His sake you will find it.

I have found a certain liberation in having cancer. A freedom from many fears I used to have. In my foolish pride, I thought, “I’m not afraid of anything anymore!”

God heard that. Then my dearest love had a scare. Actually, she isn’t easily scared, I was scared. This morning I had to come to terms with that. Begging, rationalizing, and finally, broken taking the pain that I could lose her. My t shirt was soaked with tears and snot dribbles, and my pride was put back in its box for now.

Everything goes at the foot of the cross! Our own lives, our possessions, easy-but also our relationships with our spouses and children and parents and whatever else we hold dear. We must take up our cross and follow! No matter how much it hurts!

So, in my mind I have to consider laying my love at the foot of the cross, entrusting Jesus to take care of her, the brightest of jewels in my galaxy, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. It will hurt, gently gently stroke her hair, wrap her feet, wash her face with my tears.

This may never come to happen, but it it does, a servant of Christ must accept it. And, pride aside, it is what I fear most.

Jesus, I pray whenever I am tested send the Holy Spirit to guide me. And when I am tempted send your angels to lead me away to a safe place. I am weak, but I would stand, for I know that you have power to make me stand. Amen.